pain,pumpkins,progress

Friday morning driving to Caitlin's preschool I read a bumper sticker that said, "Love is pain. Pain is love."

At first I thought, how negative.

Then I thought, how true,  acknowledging the existential unavoidable inevitable discomfort of giving to, caring for, living with and sometimes without others, as well as the very liberating idea that that willingness to feel the pain is the gift itself and therefore the very source of the joy of living.  So much food for thought on the back of a white pick-up truck.

So here's what was going on at preschool.

Pajama day and passing out treats.  I picked up Caitlin a bit early so we could get to the elementary school on time for the costume parade.

I'm often being handed something.

Friday afternoons the kids come home early from school.  One of the many things I love about Utah is that the snow falls, then melts.  I was grateful to have autumn back.

Here's what's left of my flower bed.  Mums gone by go nicely with the Styrofoam headstones.

I had been thinking about Pier 49 San Fransisco Sourdough pizza all week long. I ordered the Alcatraz, their supreme, that reminded me an awful lot of Sonny's deluxe.  By the way, in heaven, Sonny's Pizza will be restored to it's rightful place on Cabrillo Boulevard in Santa Barbara.  Until then the Alcatraz will do fine.

Here is the Lombard Street.  The barbecued chicken is tender, sweet, and tangy.  I love the caramelized red onions.  Both pizzas came with free pepperoni pizzas in honor of National Pizza month. So sad that October must come to an end.

After dinner the kids carved pumpkins.

Thank you for all the supportive comments I received about my laundry after I posted web cam. Some of you may have been wondering if I actually have a laundry room where I might better contain the pile. In fact I do. Last week I set a goal for myself to only wash as much laundry as I could fold. I love taking the clothing out of the dryer, smelling the sweet clean detergenty smell and feeling the warmth. Folding the clothing while it is warm gives me a feeling of being in control of at least one aspect of my life. So it's been a good week for me in that area... Now to work on a pile of something else.

web cam

Sometimes doing my best looks like this.Friday night I got the idea that I would fold laundry while watching a movie. But Sam brought home The Rainmaker from the library.Too entertaining for multitasking.  So by Monday the pile was back. 

I try to remind myself to relax and embrace this time.  A new born is in the house.  So I was thinking about putting a web cam on the laundry pile

so that anyone who wanted to could watch the ebb and flow of the pile.

Here's the aerial view.

I just made a simulated web cam, since really, who's that interested in my laundry? 

Sophie's easy to embrace. So how to embrace this time of facing other transitions? Transition is a polite word. I am learning that. What to do with the happy memories? Welcome them. The sadness? Accept it. Be grateful for and try to understand the lessons that life is trying to teach me. The confusion? Pray that when it clears there will be a new light on tomorrow's path.  Something like that.

And in the meantime, I'll embrace other things, like Olivia's whimsical spirit.  It made me smile to imagine her hanging Olivia the Pig's dress up in her own closet.

And then I looked out her window and saw the leaves changing colors and the clouds moving across the mountains.  Autumn is meant to be embraced.

So Tuesday afternoon I got a call from the police department asking me to pick up Sam because he had been in a bike accident. Dispatch didn't think he needed medical attention. So imagine my surprise when I approached the designated intersection and saw the police cars, the fire truck, and Sam being carried in to an ambulance on a stretcher. I almost turned left into the on coming traffic.

The officer explained to me that Sam's bike had been hit by a driver turning right, while Sam was in the cross walk with the right of way. The car didn't touch Sam, but it bent in the handle bars on
one side of his bike and the other side hit him in the stomach. The paramedics where taking him to the hospital to check for unseen injuries. I peeked in the ambulance before they took him away, then ran to Grandad's house to drop off Sophie with Judith who called to ask Granddad to stay with the kids at home. Sam and I spent several hours in the emergency room, where they did a catscan, chest x-rays, etc. All the tests were normal. The doctors and paramedics all praised Sam's bravery. He hobbled up to bed as soon as he got home. The other boys were jealous that Sam had gotten to go in the catscan machine.  I never knew that would interst them so.

Wednesday I had him stay home to recuperate from the night before.  I thought all throughout the day how grateful I was that he was not seriously injured.  It turned out that the driver was a woman who goes to church with us.  She was very sorry and came by to check on Sam.

She brought potatoes, squash, and these amazingly sweet raspberries from her garden.

We had a picnic lunch in the park.  I love Halloween Happy Meals. It was nice to have Sam's company.

Here's a midweek shot of the pile.

Feeling quite disfunctional about this.

But by Friday morning I was seeing some improvement. 

So we went to Paul Ream Nature Park because it was a perfect October day.

I brought some really old "duck bread" that I told Grant not to eat. Grant said he wanted some "human bread."  He said, "That was awesome feeding the ducks mom."  I wish I could remember all the moments like that one.

Friday Caitlin brought her spider made from marshmallows and pretzels home and rearranged the legs a bit, but was still quite proud.  We branched out from our normal Little Ceasars to San Fransisco Sourdough. Yum. Chicken and pesto. And since October is national pizza month they were giving out free slices of barbecued chicken pizza on Saturday.  Free lunch. Score. 

After the free lunch, which I insisted remain free, no drinks nothing, in and out for free, we finished up the Halloween shopping in the pouring rain.

Sunday I made the kids participate in my favorite sabbath "service project." Clean the house for mom. We had been pile free for two days so we were actually able to run the vacuum. Ben made lemon bars, which smelled heavenly, so for a moment, the house felt quite holy. That was a moment to embrace.