commencement, consolement, chiropractory

In March, I started filling in for a massage therapist at a chiropractor's office in a little old house on Main Street. It was exactly the work environment that I had hoped for...low-key, flexible hours, interesting clients.  At first, I felt like an impostor, because it had been so long since I have worked for anyone else.  I felt self-conscious about my shaky hands, and unsure of my abilities.  But I cannot be faulted for any lack of earnestness or work ethic, so I had to build confidence from there, and pray that I could improve where needed.   By May, I had taken over most of the other therapist's hours.  There are still times when I wonder if I am doing any good. And there are other times when I feel incredibly humbled and grateful to be a part of someone else's healing.This is my walk to work..not from home, but from a nearby mall, since the chiropractor's lot is too small for my van.

 Needless to say, it has been a challenge to keep up with the kids' activities and the house..especially the house...and also recording life and the many things to be grateful for.

This was girls' night out in April, while the boys were with Granddad at the priesthood session.

Lovely, Caitlin.
The mall performance in May. We were all there from four in the afternoon until ten at night. I was busy with multiple costume changes and grateful that Grandma Martha was willing to watch the little ones at home. I know she would have loved to have seen the girls dance. Bethany is in the back.
 
 Bethany's competing dance team performed two numbers at a competition at Provo High and took first place for both. I never get tired of watching them do Funky Monkey.

We had another pet funeral.  Cocoa, the mama rabbit passed away in the spring.  We think she might have had uterine cancer, which is very common in rabbits.

The girls played "This Little Light of Mine" together. Thank goodness for bluegrass camp.

"Dear Cocoa...I love you as much as fried chicken..and other things like my mom and dad and blossoms."

I haven't mentioned much about the rabbits either. They have continued to be an after church attraction on Sunday mornings.  Olivia loves to put them out in their rabbit run in the yard for primary kids to play with on their way home from church, much to the kids' delight, and somewhat to the frustration of hungry parents.  Our little Smokey went out for an adventure, and sadly, never returned, but Wes and Hugo still manage to run about and return, though they are nearly impossible to catch.  They have fallen out of favor with me because they eat my hasta and petunias, which has prompted me to save money on annuals this year, and kept me from the IFAs, the Lindon nursery, and the garden sections of Lowes and Walmart, so I suppose I should thank them.
He looks so innocent.

So while I was working, the little kids went back to the daycare center that they attended during my massage therapy school days.  The administrators and teachers are like family to me now, and I am always grateful that they welcome the children back when needed.  I am a big proponent of socialized daycare for all incomes, like in Sweden. I loved my new job, but as the end of the school year approached I started to feel needed at home, and weary from the high cost of daycare.  I believe it was equal to what I was earning.
But this moment made it all worthwhile. The timing seemed perfect, blessed in fact.  I was grateful to be able to give the little ones a few months of preschool experience, and support Grant through his preschool graduation.  In June, I decided to ask for fewer hours at work to make time to be with the kids...and the laundry....



Kindergarten time. I'm proud of you Grant.

boxes

October 2011 was boxes.  Here I am under the boxes.  Figuratively, as you can see from the camera angle.  The disaster rises above the sofa line.  October there were a blur of birthdays, holidays, school vacations, and such as I sorted through boxes, and got out of bed again, and moved myself through days of hoping to get it all sorted out and put away to move on to something else. I noticed the days were passing and the holidays and birthdays. I believe that I was there trying to be a part of it all, but also always tending to the back of my mind the single mom realties financial and otherwise that make you go to bed each night grateful that you made it another day closer to another day.

The  ten thousand year old cookies Olivia found when we unwrapped our kitchen goods. "What? There were cookies?" Ben asked.  Made in China. Sat in storage for a year. Yum.

Friday, October 14, was a big day for me, I had been imagining and anticipating for some time.  Rob and I didn't go to our BYU graduation day, 14 some years ago, because I had a feeling Sam would be born that day, and he was.  I didn't really feel like that was graduation day for me anyway because after how many years at BYU, I still had one evil awful class to finish independent study.

Back to present day, it was my UCMT graduation, and my first time since high school to walk up and get some type of graduation certificate.  What was most precious about the experience was looking out to see the children, even William standing on his chair,applauding for mom.  Afterwards Grandma Martha treated us all to Golden Coral, my kids' paradise. They deserved it. I should have treated Grandma Martha, but was too poor at the moment. I had a wonderful support system through my massage therapy program and I am so grateful for them.

This was Grant. "I found the chocolate fountain, Mom."

This was a happy day. The following Sunday.  We went to Paul Ream nature park with our bags of old bread.  Grandma Martha came with us.  I was able to convince everyone that they were all coming. like it or not.  And they liked it.

I was happy to see Kyle and Bethany spend a long time together watching the ducks. They are both creature lovers.

Olivia took pictures of the leaves for her entry in the school art exhibit.

Dinner and one of the blessings of unpacking.  Sam made this incredible sandwich with the Panini maker he got from Grandma for his thirteenth birthday.  It was a happy reunion.

finals, snakes, snow

Nine days into October. This month has already been rich in interesting, blessed days.  We celebrated Grant's birthday over General Conference weekend. Then I moved on to finals week at school.  So this is just a bit out of order for the sake of writing while my thoughts are fresh. As fresh as possible.

Monday October 3, I finished Pathology. It was a blessing to have an amazing woman, a professor from BYU teach our class.  She teaches at the U of U med school, huge lecture classes at BYU, and at our little college in Lindon. We were so lucky to learn from her, and get to know her in a way that the students at the other schools can't.  She made Pathlogy fascinating and inspiring. I have a passion for terminology.

Tuesday felt like a day that I would never see the other side of.  We finished Anatomy, one hundred and fifty questions from the entire seven months.  I didn't have as much time to study for the test as I would have liked because I was so sick over the weekend. I had used what energy I could to celebrate Grant's birthday and study for Pathology.

 Monday night I had been deperately trying to piece together the mystery of Movement and Structural Bodywork...not my favorite modality.  Tuesday morning I felt embarrassed that I had forgotten so much of my Anatomy II, the insertions and functions, so I was sitting in my desk during the test flexing and extending and feeling for insertions.  I love that you aways have a cheat sheet in an Anatomy exam.  It wasn't a triumphant finish, but I got enough points on the final to get an A in the class. I would have been heart broken if I hadn't, since Anatomy was my favorite subject. Sonya said my Anatomy textbook looked like her Grandma's Bible.  I felt pleased to hear that.  Structural went well, though it was still a mystery, and cost me some good sleep and Anatomy study time.

Wednesday morning, Trigger Point therapy.  I felt better going in since I had had a chance to practice the protocol on my neighbor.  Tuesday night I stayed up late studying for the written portion. I felt blessed that the tests went well.

 It felt unreal as we put away the tables for the last time. Seven intense months.  So much opportunity for self-examination, challenge, growth, change.  At lunch we had a potluck. In the afternoon we had our last session of Professional Development.  No final since we took it several weeks ago.  We took turns sharing thoughts about how we've changed, where we've come from, where we are going.  I think we all realized how much we've grown as individuals and how we've grown together, like family.  Driving home I felt so grateful that God had allowed me those associations and that seven months of accomplishment.

Thursday evening, another rich experience.  Rachel, our Pathology teacher,  took us on a tour of the BYU cadaver lab.  It was a blessing to be able to have our first look inside the human body, and our first association with cadavers be with Rachel. She has a tremendous respect for the donors and her love for them made the experience uniquely spiritual.  The hour went by too quickly. None of us wanted to leave.  It was fascinating to be inside the new universe of muscles and organs we had spent so many hours discussing and were finally seeing in three dimensions.

Friday was my last day of clinic. I felt like I had a new perspective, having been to the lab the day before.  I thought about how familiar everything is at that little college. The smells, the steps from the classroom to the drinking fountain, the clinic music, and all the opportunities it gave me for introspection, of course the faces, my favorite lunch place, the Juice Press, the mountains behind the school.  And oddly for the first time in a really long time I realized that life had never come to a sad end, that progress was still very much on its way, that growth and change and interesting fascinating experiences were happening all around me and would continue to happen indefinitely,  and I had the most incredible sense of wholeness, something I have not felt for some time now.

By the way, Thursday evening we saw the first snow in the mountains.  This was Friday morning.

After clinic I picked up the kids from daycare for the last time until I find a job or go back to school. I'll figure that out in the next few weeks, after I've caught up on some kid business, housekeeping, and sleep.  The teachers were sad to see the kids go. Sophie's teacher almost refused to let me take her.  We drove over to the elementary school to meet the older kids who already walked up to the school carnival.

Grant was excited to see the snakes, lizards, and turtles.

Olivia always loves the face painting and hair styling.

school, sophie, silhouettes

This was Thursday September 22, Grandma and I took the boys to play at Pioneer park while the girls were at dance class.  I had the most incredible sense of relief. I passed my licensing exam that morning.  My brain was so fried, driving home from the testing center in Draper, I drove all the way to Springville before I realized I'd passed my exit. 

Wednesday September 27, our class planned to have lunch together at the Chinese restaurant next to our school. Celebration of our last week of regular classes.  Next week we have finals.

What else to write about to finish up with September?  Sophie loves to stop and look at any flowers that she sees.  She points to them when you ask her to.

I love the hairstyles that Sophie's teacher gives her at daycare.  I walked into the lobby. Blinded by the stream of evening sun, I could only see two cute arms reaching up to me, and two silhouetted pigtails. 

This is the view we usually get of Sophie now.

friday clinic

Yesterday was my first day of Friday clinic.  I don't know why we were all so terrified.  Now that we are third quarter students, ten or so of us were selected to attend on Fridays with the clients who bother to set up appointments.  I guess we were intimidated by a more discriminating public.  Didn't turn out to feel any different than Saturday, but it did give me cause to think about the quotation by Eleanor Roosevelt "Do one thing every day that scares you."  What to do today?

Here is a picture of the mountains that I am  grateful to see every morning as I walk into school.  They remind me so much of Ecuador.

I felt  grateful when I got my Friday clinic letter. Honestly, I don't know if I am a very good therapist at all. I have shaky hands. Everyone who knows me notices that in about five minutes. And I have never really been a hand coordinated person anyway, if I were I would be a pianist and I wouldn't be here at all, right? I'd be off at Julliard...maybe.  But I put my best into the ten weeks of Saturday clinic. Didn't sleep at all Friday nights, sat up every half hour to check the clock, worried I would sleep through my alarm and miss my early morning shifts. I always showed up an hour before start time because I was so eager to see another human being after a night of insomnia. So I tried my best, raced through my breaks, tearing off sheets, wiping down the table, racing down the hall for the next client.  And here I am sometimes still wondering why I am doing this, but seeing God's hand in it all enough to reassure myself that it is where I belong for now.

The hard part about Saturday was waking up at four-thirty in the morning, doing five massages in five hours and then coming home to a stir crazed family ready to get out and have some fun.  Seven Peaks or the movies.  Here was two weeks ago, back to Trafalga.  I love my kids.  I don't think there is a person alive who loves the Frog Hopper as much as Sam.

Proprioception.

Everything about Mary is year of the monkey. She loves the climbing wall.

Just like Great-Grandpa Alden.

Sam and Caitlin.  Sam is refusing to break at all because he wants to show me the proper way to drive the go-carts.  Apparently I am an embarrassment to the family because the other cars lap me like three times.

Ben and Bethany.

William contemplating Vikings.

movers day

Tuesday evening Rob came to pick up the kids.  They've been anticipating this all summer.  I have a list as long as my arm of things around here to organize and clean, but two weeks feels like a long time to have them away.  The house is painfully quiet and everywhere there is something that reminds me of their unique personalities.

 Finals week went well.  I put every minute I could into studying muscles and their functions, origins, and insertions.  Anatomy is a subject I never imagined would inspire me so much.  I feel like my time in massage therapy school has been worth it, if only for this new awareness I have about anatomy.  It is the most pure, meditative way to understand this thing that houses our spirits.  Anatomy and massage therapy seem  to give every one who spends time with them a new appreciation for every human body.

So what else, there was Russian sports massage, over and done with never to count strokes per minute again.  Hydrotherapy...another one to cross off.  I'm not a fan of ice massage, not to say that I haven't inflicted it upon my children.  And sports therapy,  that and shiatsu were my favorite modalities last quarter, both upbeat, physical, particularly sports being more interactive.  I have to admit that I find fifty minutes of Swedish massage is just too...quiet.  Reminds me of when I took American Sign Language in college and I used to dash out of the room at the end of class, where it was permissible to speak, like I was gasping for air.
This week we started Trigger point therapy and Structural Integration and Movement... the two deepest modalities that everyone waits for with sadistic anticipation.  Cranial sacral is new as well.  Trying to feel this mystic cranial rhythm.

 Last weekend, just as finals were over, we received our shipment from Ecuador. This was stuff we packed away and sent off to Maryland storage five years ago before we left for Beijing.

 Some of the stuff didn't fit in the house. This is my garage now.  The next project.  I loved looking at the things we collected in Quito. Reminded me of our wonderful friends there.

june

Its been a busy week, moving preparations, papers, tests.   Last week  I had a paper to write on "Research a pathology an how it relates to massage therapy.   Wasn't sure where to start so I googled "what's your favorite pathology/" " I got a med-student survey.  Hematological pathologies turned up number one, but not as interesting to a massage therapy student as neurological pathologies, which turned up number two.

Neurological pathologies seemed like a good choice to me. I don't remember why I ever became interested in massage therapy.  About twenty years ago when I was in college it just occurred to me that it might be some way that I could be helpful to people.  My hands have a slight tremor, which kind of drives me crazy at times. Massaging other people seemed to sooth my hands as well. So before too long I had a small core of volunteer clientele, including some athletes.  I looked around for a massage therapy school, but at that time the only campus was in Salt Lake City and I didn't think I had time to travel back and forth.  Enough about that for now.

So I wrote a short paper on Parkinson's disease.  It was interesting to learn that Parkinson's disease patients muscles, because of the constant tremor, experience the same intensity of muscle contractions as many athletes, so of course massage therapy can be beneficial, both in soothing the central nervous system and in lengthening and relaxing the muscles.  It would also be interesting to research whether or not massage can affect the dopamine production at all.

So aside from school, the younger kids are adjusting to summer camp at the daycare center. Even Sophie goes now. She is very social with the other babies. The teacher said she tries to take their toys away.  I'm not surprised.  William adjusted too and is shy in the morning but acting like the big man on campus in the evenings.  The girls keep busy with their friends swimming and playing dance games on the x-box.  They are asking me about playing soccer in the fall.

Here's a night the kids made dinner for us.  Sam made some amazing bread sticks and bbroccoli soup. Bethany and Ben helped with that too.

Sam spent the week on the stake Pioneer Trek in Wyoming.  I was grateful to see him get off the bus with a huge smile on his face.  It turns out he loved pulling a handcart. The youth leaders were calling him "the Clydesdale."

And here's a picture of  Sunday evening two weeks ago . Ben and William and bowls of ice cream.