If that didn't express something that haunts, nags, drives me to the point of questioning my own sanity, not that I don't do that in almost every post, I don't know what could.
Went there tomorrow. A grammatical error, wishful thinking, or for me, what seems like a memory of the future. Does anyone else know what I am talking about?
When did it start? Back in Oklahoma at Jenny Kugler's playing house I would line her bedroom wall with my children. They were really stuffed animals. Good thing she had a lot of them. What else... in Santa Barbara, who remembers Sonny's Pizza on Cabrillo Boulevard? The absolute best pizza, even New Yorkers would say, and the sea air coming through the doors that practically opened on to the beach. The first time I walked in I knew that I worked there. Spent two wonderful summers there, loved going to bed smelling so savory. And then there was my uncanny match making ability in college, once told a date he was actually meant for my roommate. They did marry, but as far as I know, neglected to name any child after me. Ingratitude. And other things, but why be boring?
The future has always been an obsession. Do they have a clinical term for that like say... anxiety?
So what about reality? Sophie's one month old.
Reality has been a bit sad for me lately, for complicated reasons, but here is a list of what turned out to be eight things that made me smile. Could have been longer but time constrains.
1) Some mystery gardener raked our first pile of autumn leaves in the backyard.
2)Cinnamon rolls on General Conference Sunday. (I'll admit we used the canned kind this year.)
3) General conference, in general...but especially President Monson's singing "Here we go up a row to a Birthday Party."
4)Pumpkins, particularly Kyle's that he painted at Boy Scouts. And Caitlin's photography.
5)Dog noses, especially Baby Bear's. And Sam's photography. Enjoyed a barbecue with Grandad and Judith Sunday.
6)Sophie in the blessing dress that Grandma Julia made for Bethany. All of the girls have worn it.
7) Samples for lunch at Costco Saturday. Ben loved the peppermint hot chocolate.
8) Bethany's list of names for her future children, including Pinnochio and Lip Gloss.
So last Tuesday the kids had the day off, for some reason I forgot. We went shopping together, then out to lunch.
The boys got handsome and much needed haircuts..five dollars on Tuesdays at Craig's Cuts.
And today, Tuesday already again, had to drop Mary off at school since she missed the bus. I let the boys play on the playground. Picked up Caitlin, then went to the library. It felt good to be out for most of the day, not at home feeling overwhelmed by all the aspects of my life that I should be getting in order, not the least of which the fallen "honey and cheerios."
Drove by the park on the way home. Grant said, "Hey, we went there today." Thought about that one. Today has elements of past and present, and still some anticipation of the future. Why it should be embraced I suppose.